Forgiven!

A long time ago, I was extremely angry with God just in general I guess. This went on for well over a year, and though I had to go to church with my mother, I cursed God the whole hour I was there, I didn't want to be there, and He would get no satisfaction for my being there. I got into a discussion with a police Lieutenant, who lived next door, and expressed my anger toward God to him. I don't remember all he said, but he made just a little difference.
In the summer, I would get a glass of Ice tea, sit out on the outside deck, and curse God to his face. One day I made the statement to Him, "You wouldn't be satisfied if I crawled from here to New York on my knees, I want you out of my mind and out of my life, what the hell do you want? He replied, "I want you to spend three days in prayer." I don't know why, but this instantly & totally took all the sass out of me.
A day or two went by, and though I tried to spend some time in prayer, I went back and said to Him, "Lord,
I can't spend 15 minutes in prayer, much less three days!" There was no answer so I walked away. The next day while looking for something else, I found 3 old prayer books, two of which my Grandmother once had.
I started through them, and wouldn't you guess, it took three days of almost constant reading to get through them! I went back out on the deck afterward, and to the air in general I stated, "I did the 3 days."
The Lord replied, "I want you to do three things, 1. "Stop Analyzing!" "Oh Lord" I said, "it's so ingrained in me," (I could take the most beautiful thing, and analyze it to destruction) "but Lord if you will remind me as soon as I start, I promise to stop immediately!" 2. "I want you to stop committing Spiritual Suicide!" (about the only prayer I ever made was praying for death) "Oh Lord!" I groaned, "I am so set into it, I can't stop, but if you will remind me every time I begin , I will stop immediately!" 3. "Stop Cursing" "Oh Lord..it's the only way I get any relief at all, for the anger and frustration that builds up in me, but if you will help me I will do my very best!"
The following day during my usual routine, it was like I was slowly being dragged to the edge of a cliff, I fought as hard as I could, but got nearer and nearer, right at the edge, I cried out, "I'm sorry Lord but I have to curse you!" Instantly I was completely at peace, and seemingly put 20 yards back away from the edge, the anger or frustration was gone. Soon I was being drug back again, I think this happened 3 or 4 times that day, and at the end of the day, I had a rash on the back of my right hand.
The next day went better, it took a lot more to get me to the edge of the cliff, but when I would cry out, was instantly relieved the same as yesterday. When the second day was done, I had a rash on the palmward side of the wrist of my left hand. The 3rd day, I was only drawn to the edge only once, and when I got home that night, I had a rash on the top of my right foot. I can only think this means I was bound two hands and a foot to Satan, I understand he takes particular charge of blasphemers. Then began my learning to walk with the Lord. I had been constantly apologizing for all I had done, over the next year or so, I must have apologized thousands and thousands of times. One night as I was going to bed, and again was apologizing, The Lord spoke, "I don't know what you are talking about." I replied "Lord! you have to know what I am talking about, ! It went on for so long!!"
He replied, "I have no memory of that, nor is there anything anything written here that says you ever did any of these things, I do not know what you are talking about!" In that moment I learned what forgiveness is. In tears of gratitude, I said , "Thank you Lord." Ever since that time I find it really easy to forgive anything from others, after all the things that the Lord has forgiven me! He was always faithful at reminding me until eventually I got totally away from doing any of the three things.

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