Funny & Funnierrr

Decomposing... A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward ! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously. "He's decomposing!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------A Son's Bad Dream A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie Susie dies. One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies. One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed. The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared for his life- he is sure he is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk. Upon walking in his front door, he finds his wife. "Good God Dear" he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire life! She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning." Luke1:53 The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has sent away empty.

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Herman Joseph

Herman Joseph Apr. 7 1241 Herman Joseph was a German mystic whose visions later inspired painters and poets. He had Heavenly visitors from the time he was seven, and even played with the infant Jesus. On one occasion, he offered an apple to Jesus and Mary in front of their statues, and the apple was accepted. After studying at a house of the Premonstratensian Order (the Norbertines) in Friesland, he was professed at Steinfeld and was given the duty of waiting upon othrs in the refectory. He lamented the little time he had for prayer, but the Blessed Mother told Herman that his serving others out of charity was more pleasing to God than anything else he could do. Hermn was ordained a priest, and because of his innocense, his brothers nicknamed him "Joseph"; he would modestly object until Our Lady appeared to him and presented him with a ring showing his mystical espousal to her. He composed hymns and prayers as well as a treatise on the Canticle of Canticles. Herman's eagerness to perform acts of kindness made him loved by his brothers. His skill as a mechanic enabled him to travel to different monasteries repairing their clocks. He was cannonized in 1958 John 10:14 I am the good shepard, and I know mine and mine know me.

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Personality Quiz

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISFP)

Your personality type is caring, peaceful, artistic, and calm. Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 8% of all women and 6% of all men You are Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving. How Rare Is Your Personality?

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Food Funny

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding cake." Matt. 7:24 Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock.

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Breakfast at Mac's

Breakfast at McDonald's . Please read until the end. This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end! (After the story, there are some very interesting facts!): I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called "Smile." The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally. Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm). Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope." I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope." We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give. We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE. Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE. An Angel wrote: Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart. God Gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into its nest. Philippians 4:6 Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests know to God.

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10 fun 'Library' Things

10 things you can do in the library that will really annoy the other patrons by Maggie Tulliver 1. Eat something really smelly like curry or blue cheese. Food that will permeate every floor, shelf, cubicle and room. And stay smelling like that for hours. 2. Keep borrowing stationery from the people around you. Pens, rulers, highlighters. 3. Peep over their shoulders and read other patron's books, newspapers, computer screens. AND laugh, comment, talk to the other person. 4. Throw paper airplanes. Make sure they hit people. In the eye, the face, on their arms. 5. Write on other patron's notes, articles, books. While they are sitting next to you writing, reading, scribbling. 6. Keep yawning. You're making a noise but technically you're not talking and it's a natural bodily function that you can't control. 7. Keep farting. See above. 8. Rearrange all the books. 9. Reserve a seat with your non-valuables (ie. pen, ruler) WHEN the library is at full capacity. And not show up again. 10. Sell stuff to people in the library. > Galations 3:7 Realize then that is is those who have faith who are the children of Abraham

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Points to Ponder

>Subject: Fw: Points to ponder > > 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? > > 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? > > 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever >know? > > 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the >words? > > 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? (Maybe a kilter?) > > 6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? > > 7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? > > 8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges? > > 9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already >there? > > 10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting? > > 11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? > > 12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? > > 13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? > > 14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things? > > 15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds? > > 16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? > > 17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? > > 18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? > > 19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? > > 20. Why is bra singular and panties plural? > > 21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when >you know the batteries are dead? > > 22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? > > 23. How come abbreviated is such a long word? > > 24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? > > 25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? > > 26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one? > > > >

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Recall Notice form God

The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed. Some symptoms include: 1. Loss of direction 2. Foul vocal emissions 3. Amnesia of origin 4. Lack of peace and joy 5. Selfish or violent behavior 6. Depression or confusion in the mental component 7. Fearfulness 8. Idolatry 9. Rebellion The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. - Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. - Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with: 1. Love 2. Joy 3. Peace 4. Patience 5. Kindness 6. Goodness 7. Faithfulness 8. Gentleness 9. Self control Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes. WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus. DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention! GOD Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by "kneemail". ======== Isaiah 41:13 I am the Lord, your God, who grasp your right hand It is I who say to you, "Fear not, I will help you."

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Surgeon Talk +

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are interchangeable Two shipwrecked Scots had been hanging on for hours to an upturned boat. Wee Hughie, realizing that he might not be able to hold our much longer, began to recount his past misdeeds, and to vow that if he escaped he would in future lead an entirely new life. Suddenly, there was a cry from his comrade in distress: " Wait, Hughie ! Don't commit yourself yet - I think I see land ! " A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting."thirteen thirteen thirteen!" goes the noise from the mental hospital wards. The mans curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence.Its not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in. Instantly ,someone jabs him in the eye.As he reels back in agony,the chanting continues "fourteen fourteen fourteen!"

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J. Labre

Benedict Joseph Labre Apr.16 1748 - 1783 At the age of 18 Benedict Joseph Labre left his parents to join the Trappists, but they refused him on account of his age. He entered the Cistercians at Septfons, but they dismissed him after the solitary life there affected both his health and spirit. Walking from France to Rome, Benedict discerned that his vocation was not in a cloister. He began to walk from shrine to shrine, through every weather condition, homeless after the example of Jesus. He silently endured beatings on his travels. He was absorbed in contemplation both on roads and in churches. He ate food remains from trash heaps or nothing at all. If he recieved alms, he often gave them to others. He lived this way for over three years, visiting shrines in France, Italy, Germany, Switzerland and Spain. He is known to have multiplied bread for poor people and to have healed an invalid. Beginning in 1774, he remained in Rome, and many testified to being inspired after witnessing him in comtemplation. Benedict died at the age of 35, worn out by his austerities. Immediately after his death, voices of children outside were heard calling out, "The Saint is dead!"

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Bathroom habits

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are a giving soul. Way too giving in fact. You often get stuck doing the dirty work that no one else will do. You spend a lot on clothes, and you tend to be a very dresser. However, it's hard for you to throw away trendy clothes when they go out of style. You are a very outgoing person. You are true to yourself, and you never hold back. In relationships, you are practical and realistic. You have a romantic side, but you only let it out when it's appropriate. What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

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Conformist?

You Are 56% Non Conformist

You definitely have your freak flag out, and from time to time, you wave it. You have some pretty strong opinions, and you're not afraid to express them. Are You a Nonconformist?

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Intelligence?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator. What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

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Brain Pattern

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is an incubator for good ideas, it just takes a while for them to develop. But when you think of something, watch out! Your thoughts tend to be huge, and they come on quickly - like an explosion. You tend to be quiet around others, unless you're inspired by your next big idea. What Pattern Is Your Brain?

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A hehe

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, hmmm, I can't seem to find your name, you must be in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is admitted. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and, as is the wont for engineers, starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escal ators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks, "So how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and working escalators, and there's no telling what an engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping hi m." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?" Luke 1:53 The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has sent away empty.

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W.C,Fields Etc.

W.C. Fields "There's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender." With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime. If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity. A chauffeur worked for a woman who took her cat with her on rides. During one trip, the driver droped her at a mall before he gasing up. The cat remained in the car, laying down on the top of the limousine's back seat. The service station's attendant often glanced at unusual passenger. Finally, he asked: "Sir, is that cat someone important?" A normally sweet Great Dane Psil has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers. While walk Psil one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man. Struggling to keep hold of Psil, the owner tried to ease the situation said, "As you can see, he just loves UPS men." "Don't you feed her anything else?" he responded. I think I can top the person who wrote complaining about the idiocy of the phone company. Talk about garbage in, garbage out! When AT&T split with Bell, we had three phones in our house. The equipment belonged to Ma Bell and the service belonged to AT&T. After we returned all the phone equipment to Ma Bell, we received a bill for $0.00. A few weeks later, we received a check for $5 and a note thanking us. Several months later, we received another computerized bill for $0.00. We called again, got nowhere, so we sent another check for $0.00. A few weeks later we received another $5 refund with the same thank you. This went on every three months for two years. Now we are down to once a year and have given up trying to straighten this out. We just cash the $5 and forget about it. Psalm 96:11-12 Let the heavens be glad and the earth rejoice; let the sea and what fills it resound; let the plains be joyful and all that is in them!

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Curiously Last!

How did a fool and his money get together? How do they get a deer to cross at the yellow road sign? Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? How do you know when it is time to tune your bagpipes? What was the best thing before sliced bread? How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it? Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it? Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? What is the speed of dark? How come you never hear about gruntled employees? What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? How can there be self-help groups? Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs? When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away? When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting? Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories... How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there? Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID? I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious. I live on a one-way dead-end street. Makes sense ? It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills? What would happen if there were no hypothetical questions?

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Love lives

Your Love Life is Like Casablanca

"Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time." For you, love is never finished. If you've loved someone once, you'll always love them. You're an old fashioned romantic... even if your relationships don't end up as romantic as you'd like. Your love style: Traditional and understated Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Complicated and ambiguous What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

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Joe

A Short story....but....might tax your attention span!! hehe My Friend Joe I guess that Joe must have felt that he had the most unhappiest of lives, he may not have been good looking, as he certainly was not, but he still had great talents! No matter how bad you might be feeling, he had a way to immediately take you out of the doldrums, and have you laughing. Another talent I most admired, was a strange ability to see the unseen. If he heard someone complaining that they had lost something, he would go up to them and ask, "Did you look alongside the seat of the sofa..on the left hand side? somehow I feel like it may be there." or "Could you have left it in your other coat,..in the right hand pocket?" People would look at him as if to say, "Who the hell asked you???" and he would just drop his head and walk away, but yet they always found their things exactly where Joe had told them. One night had gone to a movie, followed by a restaurant, and while we were eating, we overheard the people in the next booth talking, a woman said to her friend, "I'm so afraid for Timmy, he don't seem to be getting better, and the Doctor said he had done everything he could!" Poor Joe had to butt in and said, "Ma am, if you will give him a quarter teaspoon of oil of geranium, he will come right out of it! but the only place here in town you can get it is at Wold's Pharmacy, and you don't need a prescription!" Now these women thought this guy was totally wacko, how can he expect to know what Timmy needs, when the Doctor couldn't help, and I could see they had rejected the suggestion altogether. When they got up to leave I went up to the lady and told her, "Joe is never wrong about these things! I'm sure geranium oil will not harm him in any way, and what have you got to lose, but a lot to gain...Please try it for god's sake!!" she looked at me steadily for some time, seeing my earnestness, and finally nodded...and replied, "I will talk to the Pharmacist, if he says it can't hurt him I will do as he said." Out in the car, I had to ask, "How do you know this geranium oil is going to help a kid you've never met?" Joe thought for a while and finally said, "I can't tell you..it popped into my mind, and I just knew it was right, and I also knew what the problem is, an infection in the arterial wall of the heart, now I can't tell them to get antibiotics! and this is the only other thing that will cure it..I don't know how this comes to me, but I know it's always true!" I asked, "Is the woman going to do it? his eyes went into search mode, his face lit up and he smiled, "Yes and her Timmy will be up and playing within two days!" I searched my pockets for the keys to the car, and couldn't find them, I said, "I must have dropped my car keys in the booth of the cafe, I'll be right back!", No! Joe replied, you dropped them into this Kleenex box between the seats." I searched and there they were! On the way home Joe said, "You're my only friend, everybody else rejects me, because I'm so damn ugly, even going through school, I only had one - kind of a friend, but when the others would tease me, he would join in, so he wasn't a really true friend, so I've been stuck alone just about all the time, would you mind turning down this next street to the right?" I did and drove about a block and a half, Joe pointing said, Stop right in front of this house! I stopped and he got out and ran in, I sat there about a half hour before Joe came running out, "you're going to have to move the car, an ambulance is coming!" "What happened Joe?" I asked, "Heart attack" he replied non chalantly," the old woman was in no position to be able to help him, she can hardly get around herself!" "So?" I queried, "what did you do?" Joe looked at me like I must be some kind of dummy, "he wasn't breathing! I got him breathing again, and had her call the ambulance!" I just nodded..no more need for questions, though I had quite a few, .I wouldn't understand anyway! About a half hour after the ambulance got there, Joe finally came back out to the car and said, "Let's go home! Isn't this the shits! he said, when I went in there, the old lady yelled at me saying, "get the hell out of here you ugly bastard or I'll call the cops." I yelled back at her, "Call an ambulance, your husband has had a heart attack and is dying!" she hadn't noticed him slumped down in the chair, and couldn't breathe, she took one look and called them, I pulled him onto the floor and did CPR and got his heart going, he was doing pretty good by the time then ambulance arrived, and I was able to skip out before she could try and thank me!" But Joe, I stammered, How did you know? and which house it was? "I've told you before! I don't know!! it just comes to me, please quit asking me this I cannot answer it!" I took Joe home and went home myself. A little more than a week later, Joe and I went to a ball game, he was almost in tears as he came to the car, and I asked, "What's the matter Joe?" "My landlady, said she don't want me sitting in the lobby where people can see me, I bother the other tenants!" God, I thought, how can people hurt a man so much, that does everything he can to help others, "Tell me" he asked, "How come your not ashamed to be seen with me?" "That's easy!!" I replied, "Because your my friend!" though I knew there were places I would rather not go if he was with me, he was extremely homely...yes even ugly. Over the next half dozen years, I almost got used to 'happenings' whenever in the presence of Joe, and though he could change my low moods, I could find little to help him when he was down, though God knows I've tried. Once in a while my jokes or little stories, would make him smile and lighten up. About three months ago, I picked him up to go to a musical that was in town, he was really in high spirits, a welcome relief! "You look like your really feeling chipper! I smiled at him, "Yeah! he grinned, but I can't tell you why until we're going home!!" I was happy that finally something good had happened to Joe, and let it go at that. The musical was great, and we both thoroughly enjoyed it, "A Great Ending!" Joe exclaimed. "Yeah," I replied, "they really had it together!" Joe laughed, "in more ways than one!" I wondered a bit but let it go, but then then when on the road I said, "OK Joe, level up with me, "Why you so chipper tonight?" "Pull over here and stop" he replied, Damn here we go again I thought!, I pulled over and stopped, "What is it Joe?" His lower lip started quivering, and it took a while before he could speak then said, "This was a great finish to my life, I'm going to die tonight, but I don't want you to feel bad for me, because where I'm going there will be no more sadness!" "Joe!" I practically screamed, Don't do something stupid" "No!" he shouted back, I'm not going to kill myself! I'm not that stupid! but you gotta understand my time is over here, and I really want to thank you for being my friend! It's only fair to let you know that I'm going home tonight!!" by now it was my lower lip quivering, " I don't want to lose you Joe, you've been a good friend!" Joe laughed, gave me a strong hug and said, "Be happy for me! this life of misery is over for me, I know your going to miss me, but I'll be in a position where I can help you far more than I can here! I'm going home!!" Sadly I asked, "Does it have to be Joe?" He nodded "to refuse this opportunity, my life would be far more miserable than it is now!, I am called to go home! Please don't feel bad for me, I'm so glad my time has come, please don't mar it with sadness!" I smiled through my tears, "Joe, I want what is best for you, and if this is the happiness you've been waiting for, far be it from me to try and hold you back, but it's still hard to lose a friend!" He gave me another hug, and said, "Your not losing me buddy! you will know when I'm around!" I dried my tears, and began the drive to his home, but about a block short, he said "Stop here! I want to walk the last block! we hugged each other and I watched him go until he got close to home, then headed home myself, I was far enough away I didn't hear the gunshots of the drive by shooting that ended the life of my friend, but I knew for certain that he knew it was coming, and was ready for it. After the funeral I drove to a spot overlooking the city, and spent several hours just setting there in a total state of numb, but maybe doing a little thinking, but in the end, I could only acquiesce it was over..Joe is gone, I really pray that he is as happy as the said he would be!

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Curiously 3

If our knees bent the other way, what would a chair look like? If you are refinishing a table, shouldn't you have to restart? If you have 24 odds and ends on a table, and 23 fall off, what do you have left, an odd or an end? If you are cross-eyed and dyslexic at the same time, would you see okay? If your in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn the headlights on? When a crash-test-dummy hits his head, and no engineers record the results, does he make a sound? When it rains, the sky is completely covered in clouds. How does the rain get through? Where can you buy those little plastic ends to put on your shoe laces? Why are there floatation device under plane seats, instead of parachutes? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive up ATM? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Why does sour cream have a use-by date? Why does the door bell ring just after you've stepped out of the shower? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called a cargo? Why is there always one in every crowd? If you took all the ones in every crowd and put them in another crowd, will there be one in that crowd? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why do we tend to raise our shoulders when we're out in the rain? Why is it that when You're driving and looking for an address, You turn down the volume of the radio? Why is it that you see this written on car seat belts:? This seat belt does not offer any protection if it is not buckled up? Why is it that international magazines that advertise products will have the same description of something in different languages, but the description of each language is written in english? Who's that supposed to benefit? Why do they print "serving suggestion" next to the picture of a product on its label? Why do they print warning labels telling you not to eat poisonous substances when there isn't a "serving suggestion" on the label? If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter? If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? Why do they put Braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines? Anyone connect with any of these????

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Believer

You are a Believer

You believe in God and your chosen religion. Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu.. Your convictions are strong and unwavering. You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone. What's Your Religious Philosophy?

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Which Superhero?

You Are Batman

Billionaire playboy by day. Saving the world by night. And you're not even a true superhero. Just someone with a lot of expensive toys! What Superhero Are You?

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Love life like....

Your Love Life is Like Annie Hall

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies." You believe that love (if you even believe in love!) is a very complicated thing. Maybe love is pain. Or maybe it's all a big therapy session. You're still figuring it out. Your love style: Brainy and a bit neurotic Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Realistic and reflective What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

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Friend...

(WRONG....) I'm not great on partying!!!!)

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Fun

You are energetic, amusing, and always up for a good time. Optimistic and genuinely happy, you help people see the sunny side of life. And you're always up for a party... no matter how big or small. You're usually the first one to celebrate a friend's success. Anyone who's interesting or fun is welcome in you circle of friends. You're not the type of person to exclude or make fun of someone who's a little different. Your friends need you most when: They're down or depressed You really can't be friends with: Anyone who's stuck up or chronically unhappy Your friendship quote: "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." What Makes You a Good Friend?

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Curiously 2

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? Why do sky divers wear helmets ? After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water? How can there be self-help groups? If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure? Is there another word for synonym? Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? When sign-makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs? When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? Why do they report power outages on TV? Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? hehe I thought some of you folks with short attentions spans would like it if I divided these up!! (ahem!!) How does the VCR clock work anyway? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? How many times do you use a disposable razor? Why do banks charge you an 'insufficient funds' fee for money they already know you don't have? If a cow laughed, would milk come out of his nose? If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the frying pan?

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